I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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