Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Randomize
