Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
