heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
