Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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