the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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