is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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