I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
