Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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