Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
