Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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