Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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