Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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