someone get that fucking seahorse.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
