i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Four minutes until I can fart!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
