That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
