Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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