is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
