You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
