You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
