I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
