Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
