Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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