dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
