these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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