You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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