You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
