last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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