I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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