My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
