Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
