She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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