Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
