dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
