I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
