next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
