I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
