you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
