Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
