I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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