Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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