You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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