Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
