I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
