i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can I color on your dick again?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
