i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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