So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
