people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
