I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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