What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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