I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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